Okay???

Well, Mel (and others who love me:)), I guess you could say I am okay. That's about it. Obviously, I will not go into everything here. But...here goes:)

There is much of my life that is wonderful! My husband is still absolutely amazing. He truly loves me and serves me more than I could have ever imagined anyone on this earth doing! I have learned so much in our first year & a half of marriage. I have learned that boys will be boys! I have learned that the commitment we made so long ago holds up everyday, even when things are not perfect. I have learned that supporting Buck and watching him succeed mean more to me than most things. I have learned (as many of you told me) that serving alongside of Him will bring peaks & valleys. We are beginning to understand how we are wired individually & together...so, that is fun...and frustrating.

My life is also wonderful, because even in the hard times I know my Heavenly Father pursues me! That still blows my mind sometimes. Even when I am out of energy to pursue Him...He PURSUES me. I experience his mercy & blessings everyday, although I often choose to ignore them because I am busy "fighting the good fight" and I don't stop to encounter my Savior.

I am almost certain there would be a smile on my face more often if I woke up each day desiring an encounter with Christ...if that was my priority. Days that used to be spent seeking an opportunity to serve or a friend to encourage, are now spent running and hiding, asking for nothing more, wanting to give up. I am tired. I am tired of pursuing relationships with others. I am tired of trying to find a friend. I am tired of watching Buck struggle to support our family & do what He is passionate about and very gifted to do. I am tired of trying to find my place. I am tired of doing the social thing and skipping over the "spiritual thing". I long for the old days when I met with a group of women and we discovered who Christ was, who we could become in Him, and how the church was an amazing design. I long for a friend to care for. I long for something right here in Tacoma; once you have had amazing friends, it is hard to settle for anything less.

I really don't know if that lets you know anything...but, those are some of my thoughts hashed out onto this computer screen today. I know it always goes back to pursuing Christ first, to allowing Him to be the source of my strength, my sustaining power, the grace needed to live. I have also learned that He intentionally places people in our lives to help us live out our journey with Him, our pursuit. We are not supposed to walk this alone.